singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
