I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
