Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
