he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
