I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
