I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
