I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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