I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
