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shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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