It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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