There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
