someone get that fucking seahorse.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
