I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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