PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
