dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
