You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
