Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
