I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
a search helicopter?!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
