filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
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