You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
