you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
