i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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