You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
