so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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