Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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