im six kinds of drunk right now
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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