dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
