I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
