dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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