So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
