im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i would punch a child for taco bell
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
