Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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