His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry my hands just texted you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
