i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The best revenge is premature balding
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
