I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
