last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
