I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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