we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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