Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
