Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
