Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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