That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
