She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
