So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
