porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
