He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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