What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
