WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
