so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
