Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
